Noisy Nightime Nasties

The Scene -

3am. Dark. Some wild animal scratching around just outside the tent.

My bladder was bursting and I couldn't wait any longer.

The key to my release was finding the zipper to my sleeping bag, which had moved location when I changed position in my sleep. Twisting my body around, I found the zipper and slowly lowered it, releasing my cocooned body. The upturned face poking out of the mummified form next to me was still asleep.

Good.

I reached in the dark for my knapsack and felt for the zipper that held it closed. I tenderly opened it to remove my torch. Then I pulled on my pants, which had been dumped at the foot of my self inflating mattress. It was quite a feat in the small confines of the tent, arching my body every which way to avoid knocking the sleeping figure as well as the other items in the tent. I zipped up the fly of my pants, very slowly so as not to make any noise.

Nearly there.

My tent mate still slept. All that remained was to actually leave the tent. This is always the tricky bit. Modern tents have two zipped doors to get through, one with fly screen and then the flap. Rising to a crouching position, torch in one hand and sandals in another, I unzipped the fly screen. Not only did the zip give off a great screech but it also shook the tent. My friend's breathing altered.

One more zip to go.

I unzipped the tent flap that would lead my bladder to liberty, but the noise it made was enough to wake the dead. The zipped, acrylic blue figure of my tent mate encased in her sleeping bag sat bolt upright. "Everything okay? Where are you going?".

Did the powers that be who design camping equipment not take into account all the implications of sticking zippers in everything?

When going camping I can't simply have a pee anymore without everyone knowing.

God help me when I get prostate problems...